please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
