I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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