I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
