We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
