Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i think my mom watched the whole time
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
