you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
