I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
