you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
