you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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