Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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