i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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