i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
