Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
