i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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