I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Vodka?
Forever.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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