i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
