Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
