I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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