Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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