There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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