My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
