we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
