Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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