Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
