my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
