New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
