dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
