Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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