i don't like sucking hair
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
