I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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