If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
