I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
