So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
