But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
