porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
