I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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