And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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