Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
