Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
