Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
