Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
