Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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