I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
