Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
