More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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