Pants 0. Shit 1.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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