Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
