You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
