I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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