Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
