you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize