i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Randomize
