every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
