well you can't waste a boner
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
