I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
