You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
