I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
