apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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