Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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