I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
