I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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