The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
