he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm too high and old for this...
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
