oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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