you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
