Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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