they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
