the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
