It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
