Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
