I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
