turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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