you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
