Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
