Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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