how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
