Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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