Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
