It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
