Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
